Never

With a weak and drowsy head

limbs still sleepy, almost dead,

I woke up in a silent winter day

and at once decided inside to stay.

Bored I mourned my blemish soul,

so eager to fly like a helpless fowl…

The ache of burning memory flashes

turned my emotions into ember ashes.

In sour madness, my mind was gone,

therefore senses, at that time, I had none.

So bursting in tears I fell on the floor.

Chased by my fears, I reached for the door.

But even the door was so far, far away

and while reaching my memory went astray…

I forgot why I reached for that stupid door

and, again, bursting in tears I fell on the floor.

I realized something that was there all along.

It started repeating in my head like a tedious song.

That annoying voice: a dreadful, stubborn sound

that pinned all of my emotions to the ground,

wouldn’t just let me be in peace,

unless my body rested helplessly – dead that is.

The voice whispered repeatedly “never” in my ear.

“Never” was the word that combined all of my fears.

I shouted at the effigy I saw in the crooked mirror:

“Spare me, I cannot stand this! Bring my ending nearer!”

Breaking the silence again, the voice hissed “NEVER” in my ear.

It drove me so mad that I couldn’t see clear!

I grabbed my reflection and threw it out the window!

But suddenly I was up in the air trying to winnow!

I fell on the ground and I couldn’t lift my body anymore.

My eyes gazed at a blade of grass as my sight began to soar.

Freeing from that fear, my reflection vanished into the void,

for NEVER is the word that can never have me destroyed…

By Ami Tola (2006)

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