The Confused Conqueror – Begining

Nonsense 0

The Confused Conqueror cosmocrashes


   It was dark… I can’t tell you exactly when and it’s not really of any importance…

Anyways, I can assure you that I have never seen such dense darkness  piled up in one place in our unlimited space… Here on our small but very big Dizzy Planet, we often get days like this. You may go ahead and think it’s a night but it’s actually not. And we also have nights so bright, that you would think it’s a lovely starry day…

So in this day-like, confusing darkness I decided to play my most favorite game of all… Since I’m usually alone and often by myself, a long but certainly not that long ago – way, way back in my youth, I decided to make  up a game. I called it “NHCNT” which stands for: “not here, certainly not there”. The idealistic idea of the game is to hide from yourself. After you have done that you start looking and searching. I’ve mastered this game so well over the years that I surprise myself when I can’t find me. Then I go  home, and think where I could be, and admire my astonishing ableful ability to hide so well from myself.

In the darkness I mentioned way above and little bellow, I was playing this game. I hid myself so well from me that I had to search for me for hours and hours. I had no idea of the absolute noideaful notion where I was. I grubbed under every puffed up greenish thicket in the timbered or not so timbered outback. I also dug under the garden next to the nothingness, because I started thinking that I could have buried myself. Dizzilings often intend to have this tendency to bury themselves or others alive. I got really worried that I could have intercepted this inimical habit from them.

While I was digging and looking around I stumbled on the drake-Hissing Stepаside, who is always homeless because he hisses at everyone. If someone stares at him, he can become somewhat aggressive, but there have been no complaints from Hissing attacks over the last couple of hundred years. After I moved on, out of nowhere I came upon the cosmomigrating hedgehogs – Prick n’ Prickle- our dizzy troubadours. When the wind starts blowing, they play wonderful melodies with their pricks. P n’ P are quite touchy when it comes down to art and artificiality, so I suggest you don’t prickle with them on those two subjects. They also believe that music is the ultimate universal language of all universes and that you can make it anywhere with anything just as long as you really want to do that. Well, I stopped digging right after I realized that obviously I wasn’t anywhere under the ground and I started walking around headed nowhere. Suddenly, I heard a tremendous crash, which was more like  a full of noise sound. A really bright light blinded me and I wasn’t able to see at all for a couple of moments. I stood still. Not long after the quiet silence had gone away I heard some rustle and I shouted right at it:

“Who’s there?”

“Just me!”  some voice answered…

“Me who?”

“Me somebody…”

“You are me? Show yourself, so I can take a good look at you!”

Someone showed himself…

This someone looked astonishing. He was slender, tall with a very noble and yet mysterious countenance. He had a jester’s hat with three glowing ends that gently shone upon his face. The face was white and there was a black star drawn around his right eye. He was wearing a navy blue costume with white and yellow stars. His shoes had little wings that fluttered so fast that allowed him to float in the air just a couple of inches off the ground in our spatial spatiality eliminating the laws of gravity.

“So this is what I look like now!? I found me, I found me!!!.” I shouted and I started noting the notable distinctions from my previous me out loud: ” Hmm, interesting I have absolutely nothing in common with the “me” before I disappeared from myself.”

“Wait a minute …You think that I am you and you are me?”

“Well you just said it yourself…”

“I think you are overwhelmingly mistaken… I am me and you are you and until this conversation we have never seen each other and we have never had anything in common…”

“But… If you are not me and I’m not you…Where am I? “

” If you allow me to lay out my observation… I think you are exactly where you are…”

“Oh, finally… Thank you for helping me find myself…”

“It was nothing, you’re welcome…”

I was very disappointed that this new Me wasn’t really me and I had found myself again… But on the other hand, this other Me looked marvelous and I just couldn’t keep myself from trying to get to know him and ask him with all my curious curiosity intact  who he was and how he ended up so far in the nowhere…

“Where are you from? What is your name? Are you a cosmocrasher?”  I started throwing all those questions at him without realizing that I had started asking  all the impulsive banal questions that every dizziling on our planet would ask. To my absolute amazement this Me without any indication of irritation or disturbance answered me quite satisfactory.


“I come from one small universal nowhere. In the universal places I have visited they call me The Confused Conqueror, even though I am hardly confused and I have never conquered anything in my life… I am usually nobody for no one because I don’t stay long enough anywhere to become somebody for some one. I cosmocrashed a couple of very periodic moments ago and I realized that I would be staying here for a while. You see… my umbrella has gotten into a row with my fluttering shoes and they don’t intend to get along soon. Haven’t you seen an umbrella that wants to go with the flow and shoes that want to go towards their striving? The irresolutions in moments such as this one become irresolutable. I will stay here until… some day. And may I ask  what  your name is and what you have been up to till the current Now.”

“I am one nameless stranger. I come from nowhere and I am headed towards nowhere. I’m staying here because it’s strange enough for me. I am dazed by the dizziness here and I often analyze everything. When someone is dazed it becomes really easy for him to understand the dizzy reality that surrounds him. Long ago I cosmocrashed here too, just like you but in a completely different way…”

Finally I decided to dispel the silence which had come back again, and I said…

“If you are going to stay here, you will need to have a place to go to.’ I know the perfect place for you, it’s close to my house. Follow me”

Suddenly the conqueror disappeared…

“Conqeror, where are you?” I started to shout, but all I heard was the hissing hassle from Hissing Stepaside in reply.

“Conqueror! Conqueror!” I shouted again.

“I am here!”

He finally replied out of nowhere.

“I am invisible now. Do you always have to see me in order to know that I am here? I think this will be extremely prosaic and absolutely unnecessary. Every universeling knows that it is nice not being noticed when you don’t feel comfortable enough but it’s always nice to be present. That way no one interrupts the process of your own  comprehension, all they see is the final result and say, Oh, how easy it is to comprehend!”

I tried to assimilate everything that was happening to me while I was walking by myself and yet with somebody else.

“This is it. We arrived!” I said.

“We’ve been walking all day and all night. No one’s lived here for ages but I’m sure that you will appreciate it’s comfort.”

“Who was the last tenant?” asked the conqueror.

“A very lonely, young boy.”

“Why lonely?”

“Because he believed that it’s much better to be young and distrustful than old and disappointed.”

“What happened to him?”

“He grew old.”

“And then?” “Well, he disappointed himself and left.”

The Confused Conqueror became visible. He looked down towards his fluttering shoes, looked at the place I offered him, then  looked up at the stars and said:

“All the struggles, choices and believes are lurking from the  dense darkness where we all lose ourselves in the end. After all if we devote our own existence and personal significance to them, we become invisible and disappointed forever… It’s almost sunrise, dear nameless stranger. Good morning to you, I’m very pleased to have  met you.’

“Good morning.The pleasure was all mine.” I replied as I turned around and went into the opposite house , which I rather call my home.