Life is short, so don’t argue with it.
– Ami Tola (2013)
Bar “Sitting on a stump”
Every story in the history of the universe has the ability to become great,especially when there aren’t any witnesses left, to be recalled.
The Confussed Conqueror
My new friend – The Confussed Conqueror hadn’t been to a bar ever since he cosmocrashed on the Dizzy Planet. Having that in mind I decided that it’s more than mandatory for me to take him to bar “Sitting on a stump”, but before I did so, I told him a story about an incident that happened during one of the many meanwhiles in my life.
Bar “Sitting on a stump” is the most stumped up bar I’ve ever been to. It is located on one of the very few and lots of insensible, nameless hills on our dizzyful planet. I often spend my days there even though I rarely am there on the days when I’m not there. I must tell you that this bar is not much different from any other bar. It has it’s regular customers, one bartender devoted to his work, a lot of booze, no food and last but not least – a living mascot- the teetering, dusty, old, raggy-looking, sack of bones – the tom cat unusually named – Hungry Begger. No one remembers the cat’s original colour, but 64% of the cats on the planet are reddish so we decided to add him to their color group. We, dizzlings, think that every tom cat with such magnificent privilege – “bar mascot” should have it’s own official, authentic color. Hungry has always had this exceptional tallent. On the most misfortunate for any cat place, in the most misfortunate moment, he can catly plop without even thinking and loll exactly in the middle if the most unwisely chosen spot. That way Begger often gets cursed at, steped on, or hit with heavy objects.
Тhe other day – before the day before it was cold and dark – а good reason for any dizziling to drag himself over to Bar “Sitting on a stump”, to order Coctail “Bye Blue Mood” and get into a weird unconstrained conversation with a few pie-eyed strangers. While I was sitting in the corner of the bar table , chatting with my good old friend Sipp Madeira – son of the magnificent Tempranio, I overheard bits of an interesting, absolutely full of interestingness,conversation from the table next to us. Three unusual adherents of good port wine, misterios historic events and cheap raincoats, loudly argued on the very significant event in our history –
“Who came up with the idea of the bar and how was it built?” This is a subject that interests every newcomer to “Bar Sitting on a stump”.
I approched the three strangers and got acquainted with them. They turned out to be good old men. Seizmos Shaker was a former resident of the Groundquake planet. He was it’s seismologist but after the planet disintegrated, he’s become forcibly retired and has come to our planet to live through the remainder of his life without any shakexperience whatsoever.
Albedo Accretionado used to be a cleaner of the universe. His proffesion was one of the very few and many unique professions known to the universe before it seized to exist. His job was to clean the universe from dense unwanted matter by every cosmic object. He also absorbed and radiated light, so that it can be always in motion. Universelings believed that this way it doesn’t weight on the universe. While he was still active it used to be known to universelings that photons don’t have mass. Since his retirement, that statement has become very controversial, almost out of control. Thanks to Albedo, the space was pure and spaceful until the Universal Council decided that every one left out in space, wheather or not he absorbs potetial waste, has the potential to become waste himself, and therefore there is no need to have such profession.
Albedo had a little distortion due to his many years of working as a cleaner of the universe. He was able to absorb the indoor ilumination eliminating all of the energy sources. Whenever he was worked up a bit, he started to distort the absorb/radiate correlation laws and it was quite dangerous to be around him. Puansur Distance was an ufologist.